Now that my Mom has passed, I have learned some additional lessons about grieving: Drawing closer to our loved ones who have passed helps us commemorate the life they lived, and the love they shared. ![]() We laugh over silly moments and wonder at the wise ones. We commemorate their lives, highs and lows, and savor the flavor of the relationship. In my work as a therapist, caring for others who are experiencing grief, we honor the life of the person who has been lost. “In your relationships, always reach for forgiveness and commitment, forgiveness and commitment.” This is how we make amends, how we love, how we build each other up, how we retain the great gift of relationship. This lesson conveys her insight that relationships are our greatest treasures. “It is better to be kind than right.” This was a big insight for her, as someone who enjoyed debate and would not back down in an argument. In her last days she repeated two ideas to me that summed up some of her major lessons in life: 1. I am quite sure I injured her too, as I distanced or got defensive. In our relationship there was often irritation on my part if she took on a haughty tone or brought forth judgment about myself, my husband or kids. She was given to pride, would not back down in an argument, and broke trust in her relationship with my Dad. I am experiencing it for us both and know what she would have thought of it. I heard her whispering to me she was OK, that she was with those we loved, and after death you enter into love and “it’s all God’s love, honey.” As I accepted gifts from my Dad of Mom’s belongings, I heard her whisper to me “you enjoy it, honey.” That voice is quieting now, but I feel a sense of holding her spirit in my heart and soul that the very essence of her is embodied in me, and I am witnessing parts of my life through her eyes. In the very first days after losing her, I heard her voice in my head. I drape her leopard print blanket over me when I long to be close to her, the very one my daughter and I brought to her in the hospital when she was first admitted. At this moment I am wearing one of her long sleeve t-shirts, though it has holes in the sleeve and has probably seen better days. After we distributed her clothing and jewelry to the women in our family, and friends outside the family and women’s shelters who could use them, I wore her belongings daily. Shopping in her favorite grocery store after her death, I lingered in the spots that contained products I saw in her own kitchen, knowing she too had stood in that very place. Losing my Mom creates a big hole in my life. And she had plans to write her “memoirs.” Daily Grief, Small Comforts She longed to meet and hold great-grandchildren. ![]() She wanted to see her grandchildren graduate and get married. Though she’d had a fulfilling career, raised children and grandchildren, and celebrated over 55 years of married life to my Dad, she still had plans. Low blood pressure contributed to her overall weakness, and in the end, a combination of these challenges took her life away. She experienced pneumonia, blood infections, and skin lesions, ultimately losing so much strength that she would fall on short trips to the bathroom, or just trying to get up from bed. Unable to qualify for bone marrow transplant because of her age, undaunted, Mom stepped through chemo treatments, initially beating back leukemia, and then struggling through continued chemo and complications when cancer re-emerged. Her own mother passed away of leukemia in 1990 at the age of 81, and when Mom was 73, she was diagnosed with the same condition. In the years that ensued, she taught legions of high school students about the proper structuring of an essay, tracing themes in literature, and the wit of Shakespeare. ![]() She returned to teaching after having five children, having realized a Bachelor’s degree was now required, and having put herself through undergrad so that she emerged with refreshed credentials to teach at the high school level. She was a strong believer in God and ensured we all landed in church on Sunday morning and joined church groups for our respective ages.īorn in the Netherlands after WWII, she immigrated with her family in 1950 at the age of 7 to Canada, where she quickly learned English and excelled at school. She learned to sew from her own mother and sewed costumes for Halloween and joyfully took up the work of sewing a skating costume or hat for “Hat Day” at school. She loved the endeavors of homemaking and shared these happily with our family, friends, church friends, and neighbors. She taught herself to cook, bake, can and preserve, clean, garden and host. Trained as an elementary school teacher, she was a stay-at home Mom in our growing up years. At the end of July, 2020, my Mom passed away.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |